How to Get a Girl into BDSM
What’s this BDSM Thing All About?
If you haven’t tried BDSM or kinky sex, my god… You’re missing out. Kinky/rough sex is a hell of a lot of fun; there’s nothing hotter than having a girl tied up, teasing her and making her beg for you, watching her writhe and moan as she desperately tries to please you… Teasing her little pussy, bringing her right to the edge then stopping at the last possible second, over and over again, driving her crazy and making her beg for release. Pushing her down onto her knees, having her look up at you with those big pretty eyes as she moans, “Please sir, I’ll do anything for you…”
And the more you get into BDSM, the more girls love you, the more sweet and feminine they act around you, the longer they stick around and the more eager to please you they become. You get to be the Christian Grey character she’s always fantasised about – and trust me, women definitely fantasise about that. The first three 50 Shades of Grey books sold over 150 million copies. The films brought in $1.319 billion USD. Needless to say, there are a lot of horny women out there with some serious BDSM fetishes. Women love this shit; and they love you for being the one to introduce them to it.
And all of this is without even mentioning how god damn wild kinky sex is, finally getting to explore your wildest fantasies and kinkiest fetishes; like you’re finally allowed to do all the nasty, perverted things that have been floating around your head for years. A chance to give in to your most animalistic urgers, your base desires, your craziest fantasies.
Yeah, BDSM is pretty damn fun.
My Experience with BDSM
This is probably the part where I should tell you who I am, and my own experiences with BDSM. I’m Andy from KillYourInnerLoser, and I’ve been into self-improvement and getting laid for about 5 years now. 200+ lays, countless 3somes (maybe 50+ at this point?), been into BDSM for about 4 years now. I’m a huge sucker for BDSM and kinky sex; from having 3somes with my girlfriend Immy and other girls from her Tinder & my Tinder, to tying girls up, to doing BDSM photoshoots and making home pornos with girls I meet (plenty of those on my site, so feel free to check those out). Through practice, I’ve become pretty decent at BDSM and kinky sex in general.
But I didn’t start out knowing what I was doing; in fact, I was absolutely terrible at pleasuring women at the start. I had no fucking idea how to even begin to explore kinky sex – I’d never even spanked a girl, let alone done anything really dirty. But just like learning game, or improving your looks, or learning to get laid, the trick to getting decent at BDSM is just practice. Literally just trying a few things, branching out and pushing past my comfort zone, experimenting, slowly improving my confidence and being willing to explore. I wasn’t an expert at the start; you don’t have to be either. If a guy like me can do it, you sure as hell can too.
So I really want to make it clear to you, you absolutely do not need to be experienced to do any of what I’m about to tell you. Hell, a few guys on my forums have been virgins, but they decided to give BDSM a try the first time they had sex, and they loved it. So no matter your experience level, no matter your confidence – you can throw a bit of kinky sex and BDSM into the mix and have girls literally begging you for more.
How to Get Girls into BDSM/Kinky Sex:
There’s two main ways of getting girls into BDSM – you can either screen for it right from the start, making it very clear to girls (before you sleep with them) that this is what you’re looking for.
Or, you can save the BDSM for when you’re actually in the bedroom with them, and introduce them to it then.
First Method: Screening First
This is how I do things – I’ve personally found dating and getting laid is a whole lot easier when I’m completely up front, and just go for what I want right from the start. I like making it clear I’m looking for girls who want to try BDSM, so I’m not wasting time on girls who have no interest in it.
On Tinder/Hinge, I use a few BDSM pics in my profile, and a bio that alludes to kinky sex:
My bio is: “When I was little, girls hated when I pulled their hair. Funny how some things change.”
You can see I’ve got 3 BDSM pics – the one of me holding a whip in my hands, the one of a girl wearing a blindfold, and the one of me holding the red handcuffs.
Don’t stress if you don’t have any BDSM photos of your own – just search Google images for “BDSM black and white closeup”. Make sure you use a photo that doesn’t have any actual nudity in it (or Tinder/Hinge will delete it/ban you). Close-up photos work best (rather than full body shots), as they imply sexuality – meaning more mystery. Girls love mystery. The best images to chose are closeups of a woman’s face, with her eyes blindfolded, or a closeup of a woman’s wrists with her hands tied with rope, or a closeup of a woman’s hands with handcuffs. You get the idea.
For bios, feel free to steal any of mine:
- “When I was little, girls hated when I pulled their hair. Funny how some things change.”
- “Girls with Daddy issues can skip ahead to the front of the line.”
- “A firm hand a day keeps the brattiness away.”
- “Come with me, I’ll ruin your life, it’ll be fun.” [I actually stole this one from Dan Bilzerian]
- “Firm, but fair.”
- “King of whispering sweet nothings.”
When I message girls, I screen hard for exactly what I’m looking for – no point wasting time when we both know exactly what I’m here for. Just copy-paste my template:
Me: “Hey, you’re sexy. I’m Andy. I’m looking for something very specific on here.”
Her: “What’s that?”
Me: “Have experience with being submissive/BDSM, or is it something you’d like to explore?”
[If she’s down, I immediately say]: “Cool, we should grab a drink. What’s your number?” [If she hesitates, or says “I want to talk for a bit first”, or says “I do want to explore it, but only with the right person” I immediately unmatch her. I’m aiming for efficiency with no games/no bullshit.]And once you get her number, send her a “Hey sexy, it’s Andy.” She’ll reply, usually with “Hey” back. Launch straight into setting up a time to meet – “We should grab that drink. Free Friday night at 6pm? I know a cool bar.”
An example Tinder convo, from a cute Korean girl I slept with:
Then just meet her for a drink to make sure she’s not crazy/isn’t a catfish, and after 30 minutes drop a casual, “Let’s go back to my place.” Seriously, that’s it – you don’t need to have a long date where you “build rapport” or any of that, you don’t need to kino or escalate or anything else – she already agreed to BDSM sex with you. Any more than 30 minutes in the bar is you just wasting time procrastinating; invite her back to yours and make her your sex toy for the night.
(Note: You won’t be able to do any of this on Bumble; they’re super strict about what photos you can upload. So if you’re screening hard for BDSM, just use Tinder and Hinge.)
One thing guys sometimes ask me is: “If I’m this upfront about BDSM, won’t I scare some girls off?” The answer is yes you will, and that’s a good thing. We’re trying to filter out all the girls who have no interest in BDSM. Life’s too short to waste time with people who aren’t looking for the same thing you are; screening ensures we’re only left with the girls that want exactly what we want. That is, BDSM and kinky times. You also need to stop and think about the flipside: By being upfront about BDSM, you’re screening in girls who do want BDSM – girls who otherwise might not have matched with you, if you hadn’t caught their eye with your BDSM pics and bio.
In short, what we’re talking about here is being polarising – not being yet another boring cookie-cutter guy on Tinder/Hinge she swipes left on. Stand out a bit, screen for BDSM, and you’ll actually find you get laid more than just playing it safe (providing you look good in the rest of your pictures, obviously).
If cold approach/daygame is more your style: just do a normal approach, making it clear you’re attracted to her (I always start with “Hey, you’re sexy and I wanted to come say hi. I’m Andy.”, chat for a minute or two, then grab her number). Once you’ve gotten her number, you can either tell her “So I’m actually looking for something specific. Have experience with BDSM/being submissive, or is it something you’d like to explore?” Or you can save it for when you’re actually in the bedroom (see below). It’s entirely up to you.
Second Method – Introducing a Girl You’re Already Seeing to BDSM
If you want to do the second method – introducing her to BDSM once you’re already in the bedroom – that’s even easier. As I mentioned at the start, a huge number of women are walking around wishing guys weren’t such pussies when it comes to kinky sex. A tonne of women would give anything to be tied up, blindfolded, spanked and fucked like a little toy – and they’ll love you for being the one to give them what they want and fulfil their fantasies.
The easiest way is literally just to text a girl you’re dating – “Tonight I’m going to tie you up & spank you.” You’ll find most girls respond extremely well to this, and will be dripping wet from the moment they next see you. (Obviously if she doesn’t, talk to her about it – sometimes girls are just a bit nervous. But I’ll make it clear, don’t push anyone to do something they don’t want to do).
Grab yourself a bondage rope (they’re cheap) from Amazon/any sex toy store, tie her wrists together (you don’t need to get fancy with it – just tie a normal knot), blindfold her (more on that below) and get down to it. Once she’s tied up and blindfolded, unable to move or go anywhere – she’s completely under your control. Girls love not knowing what’s about to happen, and a blindfold + ropes are a shortcut to that. Do whatever you want to her, pleasure her however you want (or use her for your own pleasure), spank her ass, pull her hair, and fuck her brains out. Let your imagination run wild.
Or if you’d like to make it more of a surprise – you can text her, “I’ve got a surprise for you tonight…” Don’t tell her what it is, and when you meet her, show her the ropes (literally). If she responds well to the ropes, take her into the bedroom and tie her up and have your way with her, you dirty perv. (Again, if she’s a little hesitant or nervous – just talk about it. Tell her you’ll go slow, she can tell you at any point if she’d like to slow down, and tell her, “I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s only fun if you’re having fun.”)
The number 1 thing I’ll make clear to you here is, if you don’t have much BDSM experience – go slow. Start out really gentle, go one step at a time, and always make sure she’s into what you’re doing (literally ask her – “Is that fun?”, “How does that feel?”, or “Do you want more?”) If you’ve never spanked a girl, start out really gentle with your hand, and ask her “Want it harder?” Keep going slightly harder each time until she’s moaning and shaking for you. With hair-pulling, do the same thing – be really gentle at first, and ask her how it feels and if she wants it harder. Keep pulling a little harder and being a little rougher until she’s begging and moaning for more.
You do not have to cause actual pain – I’ve never really been into that side of BDSM. I prefer the kinks, the teasing, making her horny as hell and having her beg, etc – rather than hitting her hard.
Other fun things to try: Grab yourself a magic wand vibrator (my favourite is the Doxy Magic Wand), put it on her pussy and give her multiple orgasms as you pin her arms above her head, whispering in her ear what a dirty little whore she is. Try and break her record for most number of orgasms in a day – the vibrator is a shortcut to that, since you don’t have to do anything (literally just hold it on her pussy and wait).
Or, give her what I call “rollercoaster sex” – fuck her really hard and fast for 20 seconds, then really really really slow for 20 seconds, barely moving. Then all of a sudden go as fast as you can for another 20 seconds, then all of a sudden slow again. Girls go absolutely crazy for this – it’s like a rollercoaster ride for them (and for you).
You can also have fun teasing her, telling her she’s not allowed to have your dick until she’s been a good girl. Tell her “You don’t get this dick until you beg for it… Really really really beg. I have to know how badly you want it.” Girls always go crazy over this, begging and pleading for you. Gently rub her pussy with your finger, teasing her, and with a smile on your face say, “Hmm… I don’t think you actually want it. I think you maybe just kinda want it… But not really really really want it. Maybe I shouldn’t give you my dick tonight. Maybe I’ll send you home right now and get an early night. Yeah, maybe that’s what I’ll do…” (Have a big smile on your face as you say this – it’s meant to be a fun game).
She’ll be absolutely desperate at this point, grinding against your hand, begging you, “No please! Please give me your cock! I need it!” Keep playing this game, teasing her, getting her more and more desperate for you until finally you can’t take it anymore, spreading her legs and fucking the shit out of her.
The key to good BDSM sex (hell, good sex in general) is to do what you want – try different things, explore, let your mind run wild. Let your “animal instincts” take over, fuck her roughly, and go nuts.
More BDSM Tips:
My girlfriend and I have done a tonne of podcasts, articles and videos on how to get started with BDSM when you have zero experience, different toys you can bring into the bedroom, ways to talk dirty to drive women crazy, different dynamics (such as having her call you “Daddy”), how to have 3somes, etc. Check them out here:
But again, I want to make it damn clear you do not need to be an expert on BDSM at first. Just start with the super easy stuff – start by just blindfolding her and spending ages teasing her. Grab a super cheap blindfold on Amazon/any sex toy store (eg Adam and Eve). Or do what I did when I first tried all this stuff – just use an old scarf, or a neck tie (a suit tie), or even use the arms from an old sweater to tie around her eyes. Get creative – BDSM and kinky sex do not have to be expensive.
Once she’s blindfolded, really take your time teasing her, touching every inch of her body, caressing, licking and caressing her all over. Whisper dirty shit in her ear, tell her what a dirty girl she is for you, enjoy how much fun it is having a girl be completely powerless for you, begging you to just hurry up and fuck her. Call her dirty names, fuck her in every position you can think of, then pull out and cum all over her face while she thanks you with a smile on her face.
Good times.
The Takeaway
BDSM is a hell of a lot of fun, and I want you guys to go out there and try it – unleash those kinky desires. Don’t stress if you’re not experienced; I wasn’t at the start either. Just start with one thing at a time (blindfolds, ropes), slowly experiment and try new things each time, and with enough practice girls will be begging you to come over again and dominate the hell out of them.
If you’ve got any questions about anything BDSM/Tinder/3some/sex related, stop bymy YouTube channel and leave a comment and I’ll reply.
Now go tie some girls up, you dirty perv. They’re desperately waiting for you.
-Andy /KillYourInnerLoser.com
