Tinder Flake Trick – What you should do if a girl flakes on you

What should you do when a girl from Tinder (or really, any dating app or cold approach) flakes on you?

Let’s be real, flakes happen and will always happen. Especially when you meet a girl on a dating app, you just don’t have a lot of importance to her until you’ve had sex at least once or twice.

When a girl flakes, she’ll either totally flake on you with zero notice or she will send some kind of “hey something just came up” message the day or even after the time you two were supposed to meet. Most guys wonder what to do when someone flakes on you. There are two common reactions — both of which are bad. The first response is to just “next” her, stop messaging her, maybe delete her phone number. The second response is to get highly emotionally reactive, and send her angry messages. Both are suboptimal, but the second one is especially bad. Caring so much about one girl you’ve never met just leaves you looking needy and like you have no women in your life.

You will never be flake-free, no matter who you are. However, you can decrease your flake rate several different ways. In this article I will give you a few of my tricks to re-engage a Tinder flake and eventually get the date.

The day of you should send a confirmation message.

If you didn’t, then it could explain some of your flakes. However if you’re blowing up her phone the day of the meet, it may also explain some of your flakes. Assuming you’ve sent the confirmation message earlier that day, she will flake a few different ways.

Do not confuse objections with flaking.

In my experience most flakes aren’t due to objections. There could be concerns with meet you especially if she is coming straight over to your home on the first date for wine. But usually it means you haven’t displayed enough value. The higher the value and more value displayed, the chances of a flake dramatically decreases. This could be sexual and non-sexual value. Very often guys are simply way too eager and desperate for the meet. She might’ve really wanted to meet you until you demonstrated signs of desperation and neediness. These are low value traits and a total attraction killer.

If she is flaking because of some of kind of concern, she will often express these concerns. They could be very direct or very subtle objections.

Safety objections is the most common one. A less extreme objection that I’ve gotten a lot and is pretty hard to sniff out is the fact that she is worried that you wouldn’t let her sleep over (something women don’t seem to want to ask and tip-toe around). I’ve had a lot of girls not wanting to come over until 1-3 a.m. and have to get in the car and drive back home. Or even find an Uber to get back. Especially if she is a good distance away. I sometimes will preemptively tell girls she can stay the night.

You need to differentiate between her flaking on you and her subtly expressing a concern or objection so that you can handle them immediately before she actually flakes on you.

Let’s say you’ve confirmed the date earlier, and you get no reply. So you send a second confirmation right before the date. No reply. A lot of guys will send a 3rd and 4th, etc. What you have now is a day of texts with no responses from the girl. This will no doubt look incredibly desperate and ruin any possible chances at rescheduling. And the chances that she will ghost you is very high.

What I do is stop at the 1st confirmation. Second confirmations usually get no responses if she hasn’t even replied to the first one earlier in the day. It’s very easy to get upset (well she has cancelled on you) and bitter and send several messages and call her up.

Live to see another day.

As long as you don’t become angry and needy, you can live to see another day and go for the meet the next day. Perhaps go over your interaction and determine if you overlooked one of her subtle objections. Maybe you did not demonstrate enough value. Were calibrated when you sexualized? Sometimes you can pinpoint where you lacked in the interaction and correct them in the future so that you can get the meet.

You never ever want to allow the girl to get in the habit of flaking on you.

One time you can deal with (though chances of actually meeting her at this point decreases), but multiple flakes and it is very difficult to overcome.

One technique that has proven itself over time for me is pretending like it’s you who flaked. I’ll explain why in a minute, but here are a few lines to send her the next day(s) after flaking on you:

“Hey Sarah, I’m REALLY sorry about last night!”

“Hope you’re not mad!! I got super busy and totally forgot about our date. I’ll make it up to you one day, I promise!!”

“Shit. I fell asleep. Reschedule for another day?”

If she sends you an apology message for flaking the day of:

“No worries! I’m actually on a date rn and it may last much longer than expected haha!”

(this one has made girls hmu late at night to see if I am still on that date — you know, fucking my date — sometimes creating competition for your time that night)

“Hey yeah something came up. Sorry! I’m sure some other day! Good night!”

If you chose to wait more than 48 hours to send something:

“Sorry about the other night! I got really busy!”

What I am doing here is stealing the frame from her. She didn’t flake on me, I flaked on her.

It may come across as childish or even irrational, but it fucking works. I’ve never had a girl ignore these messages. Even if I am replying to HER flake message from the night before with one of those lines, it still works. She isn’t going to fire back “No! I am the one that actually flaked on you!”. It’s never happened to me. Remember, women operate emotionally, not logically.

This will mindfuck her.

She most likely made the decision to flake and ignore you. No emergency came up. She didn’t just forget and somehow looked over your confirmation texts. She flaked. Most women aren’t used to or have never experienced flakes from guys (especially from Tinder). This will get her attention.

What you also did beside ripping her frame from her, was strip validation.

Women get validation from you chasing, wanting a date, sending those confirmation texts. When you tell her that you fell asleep or totally forgot about the date the next day or two, she may be insulted. She may feel invalidated. But she will be far more motivated to regain that validation from you. She won’t get mad at you. She won’t engage in frame battles about who was the one that actually flaked. She will often say it’s no big deal while trying to figure out how to regain that validation.

The most common is that she asks to reschedule. Sometimes she will even reply with that. Don’t bite. Ignore it. She is now chasing. She is chasing for validation and she is chasing for the date. Milk it. You can now get her to qualify. You can get her to invest more. She will likely go with it as long as you don’t agree to a reschedule or give her the validation that you stripped from her. In a lot of my situations like this, I’ve noticed that either she wasn’t very invested or that I didn’t show enough value to her. I might have looked over a concern or objection that I didn’t address. This buys me time to do it. It’s a new day. New game. Once she starts qualifying and investing, it is far easier to sexualize or sexualize even harder than in your previous interaction. Use this opportunity to spit better game and solidify the date.

Her validation will be received in the form of a date.

Why? Beside her now investing far more and qualifying, you’ve now spun it so that you already flaked once before. You flaking a second time is devastating to her. She will have to make sure that you won’t flake on her again. Sometimes where our previous date was supposed to take place at a cafe, it is now a booty massage at my place. She is offering up far more this time to reduce the chances that I flake on her again. If you can properly sexually qualify her, the chances of setting up wine at your place, a fuckdate, etc. is increased.

Take advantage of the frame flip.

Creating frames and flipping frames are really important skills to have. Using this to deal with girls from Tinder who flake is just one basic example of frame control.

You can do this over text and you can do it with flakes. It may seem very irrational to you, but again, women are less rational and more emotional creatures.

Give it a try on your own and turn some flakes around!