7 Essential Tips to Text Girls Better than 99% of Men
Here’s the reality: Today, when you’re texting girls, it’s really hard to stand out. Even average girls are receiving hundreds of matches and dozens of texts from guys every single day.
So if you’re making little mistakes, it means you’re probably losing her attention to another guy.
Thankfully, we’ve been doing this for a while. Alex and I have spent over a decade practicing and refining our own text game, while coaching thousands of students around the world.
Even now, we see guys repeat a handful of mistakes over and over – or miss doing obvious steps that then blow up in their faces. It’s actually not hard to be better than 99% of men at texting girls. There are just a couple of critical things you need to do. And the good news is, none of them are particularly hard.
In this article, I’ll share the most essential ways to quickly improve your texting.
1. Open with something unique about her profile.
When you’re texting girls on dating apps, you need to use one of the best Tinder openers. You can’t forget that girls match with lots of guys. Your goal with the opener is simply to get a reply – because if you don’t, the convo is over before it even started!
Most guys send the same boring openers to a bunch of girls. “Hi” “How are you?” “You’re so cute!” etc.
So, sending a somewhat personalized opener is a great way to stand out and get that important reply. But at the same time, you can’t spend hours laboring over what to send the girl.
We recommend finding a balance of these two areas. And the balance really depends on your volume (aka the number of matches you’re getting). In other words:
- If you’re getting a ton of matches, you probably don’t need to get personalized in your messages.
- If you’re getting very few matches, you will want to think a lot harder about what you send to maximize your response rate.
For me, I like to try to abstract my messages a level, as it makes them really stand out from the boring shit other guys are sending. We explain this a bit more in our free eBook.
See a few examples for the above. Notice they’re a bit fun, flirty, and playful, but they are tailored to something about the girl.
2. Mix “get to know you” questions with flirting.
When guys join our Mastermind, we often see them leaning too far to one of two sides on a spectrum:
- Asking way too many boring, platonic, “get to know you” questions, or
- Acting like a ‘dancing monkey’ and being too fun, flirty, and playful
Leaning too far in either direction will make a girl lose interest and move onto one of the other dozens of guys she’s probably talking to.
You need to balance flirting with girls on Tinder with getting to know them.
See below for an example.
3. Always set up the date optimally.
The most common mistake guys make when planning a date is rushing to “Hard Close” before first doing a “Soft Close” (terms from sales that work just as well in online dating). Always start with a soft close before moving to a hard close.
- Soft Close – Encouraging her to mentally commit to the idea of a date with you. Example: “We should share a bottle of wine soon.”
- Hard Close – Finalizing the details like date, time, and location. Example: “What’s your schedule like?”
So, when is the right time to soft close? Do it during a peak moment in your interaction, when you’re both in sync and she’s clearly showing interest.
See the below example, in which the guy starts by soft closing. Once she is receptive, he feels out whether the girl is down to meet the same night. When she wasn’t, he importantly recalibrated to find a new day. He then confirmed the date – which is what we’ll discuss next.
4. Always confirm the date.
Guys sometimes assume “Hey, I’ve planned the date, and she said yes! My work here is done!” Wrong. It’s crucial to follow up and confirm the date.
If you don’t confirm, she might protect her ego by reverse flaking, meaning she decides to no-show to avoid the possibility of you canceling on her. This behavior helps her maintain control and avoid feeling rejected.
Therefore, a simple follow-up message like “Hey, still good for tomorrow?” can go a long way in solidifying your plans and ensuring she shows up.
Two examples of good confirming below (including one where the girl actually raises a concern, about her period).
5. Use takeaways to reignite the conversation.
When a girl is hardly investing, a takeaway can be a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. A takeaway is when you pull back in the interaction, rather than trying to moving the interaction forward.
This is actually the opposite of most guys’ inclination. As a girl invests less, guys often try to keep the conversation “alive” by moving it forward. But when the girl isn’t invested, this ends up backfiring.
That’s where takeaways come in. They can be super mild like “Don’t think too hard now” to harsh like “I genuinely didn’t take you for the flaky type”. They can shift the power dynamic when a girl is not investing, and even get a girl to surface an issue or objection she has.
Below are three different conversations where you can see some takeaways being deployed.
In this one, the guy uses “If you’re into that sorta thing” when she doesn’t reply back.
In this one, he uses a stronger takeaway, “I genuinely didn’t take you for the flakey type.” Once he gets her to reply, he calls her out further to try to get her to raise an objection or concern.
In this one, the guy uses one of my favorites, “If you’re too nervous, I’d understand”. She actually admits she’s nervous, but then invests further.
6. Always text with a purpose.
This is a big one. When you’re texting a girl, you can think of it like a game of chess. What do great chess players do?
- They always have the end result in mind (in chess, it’s checkmate; in texting a girl, it’s having a date where you meet her in person).
- They are always not just thinking about their current move, but they are thinking a few steps ahead.
These two principles are key to determining what you text a girl. Don’t send purposeless texts or get stuck talking about things for too long that don’t serve the purpose of meeting. And don’t just send a text, always have a plan for how she might respond, and how you’ll respond in turn.
Every guy should rely on a proven framework for texting girls.
Above is an example of an aimless conversation. But now, let’s look at a more purposeful conversation. Notice how the guy intentionally remains flirty but keeps moving the conversation toward the date – and he does so very quickly actually.
7. Avoid being overly gamey.
To avoid being boring, a lot of guys end up going too far in the other direction, and instead being gamey. It doesn’t help that a lot of the texting advice out there is quite gamey.
The problem with being overly gamey is that it’s transparent to girls – and it just leaves you looking overly try hard. The subconscious implication of being a “try hard” is that you have to try hard because you don’t attract women… and that’s a huge turn off for girls.
Below is an example of a guy who’s being quite gamey and really just copy/pasting PWF lines without actually knowing how and when to best use them.
Use These Tips to Text Girls Better Than Most Men!
When you’re one guy in a sea of matches for a girl, it’s imperative to stand out and not be the same as every other guy. Fortunately, it’s not actually that hard to text better than most of the other guys she’s matched with.
These seven steps are proven tips that we and our Mastermind members have tested time and again. Adopt them in your game, and you’ll surely see your results skyrocket.
– Indian ‘Elite 1%’ PE
